Rainbow Rangers: What the Hell Did I Just Watch?

Rainbow Rangers makes me question if Disney truly deserves the award for having the worst series ever. Sitting through even one episode is a test of patience and a good way to prove your grit.

Nick Jr is now the new reigning champ of crap TV and streaming. Such an honor.

What is Rainbow Rangers?

Rainbow Rangers is a computer animated series that follows the adventures of seven 9 year old girls with super powers living in the mystical land of Kaleidoscopia. The general gist of the story – in each episode -is that three of the girls get called to earth to fix a problem. The rest of the crew just fucks off for the rest of the day.

This is Captain Planet meets Paw Patrol and updated for a younger audience. It bravely shows the world you don’t need some freak ass dude to show up to save it. You just need three of the seven Rainbow Rangers to show up randomly to save the earth!

And yes, it is as terrible and trite as you might imagine. It is not appropriate viewing for anyone, even the target audience. Yet, here we are with many people singing this show’s praises on sites like Common Sense Media.

Maybe they are just better people than me. Or maybe they can ignore the irritating songs, questionable dialogue, and banal storytelling.

Who are the Rainbow Rangers?

Annoying little asshats who go on many adventures to keep the world clean. They constantly fight against the same asshole who sets booby traps for them and such, but of course, in true moronic fashion, never seems able to just kill the little bitches responsible for his downfall.

But I digress.

As the name implies, each of the Rainbow Rangers represents – brace yourself – a different color of the rainbow. And as such, they each have different “personalities” and “powers” (both terms used very, very loosely here) to help them on their many adventures.

And wouldn’t you know it? Every episode features a “problem” that three of the girls can solve using their “super powers.”

If you are still intrigued as to who these girls are, here you go:

• Rosie Redd (voiced by Aileen Mythen) represents the color red and possesses “strength power.” She is effectively the leader of the little band of misfits. Basically, she has superhuman strength that only works within a planetary atmosphere. She also has some sort of visor in her tiara that allows her to see through objects aka x-ray vision. <cough> Super Man rip off <cough>
• Mandarin “Mandy” Orange (voiced by Aileen Mythen) represents the color orange and possesses “music power” when using her recorder. She also has “sound power” that allows her to hear any sound from wherever the objective of the mission is located. If that’s not bad enough, she is a constant source of encouragement for the team.
• Anna Banana (voiced by Juliette Crosbie) represents the color yellow and has “animal power” or the ability to speak with animals. She wields a yellow stuffed rabbit, Mr. Stuffie Wuffie, which she uses to comfort animals.
• Pepper Mintz (voiced by Phillipa Alexander) represents the color green and possesses “inviso power” in the form of a cloak that makes her or the wearer invisible. It is perfect for this shy, introvert who loves to read.
• Bonnie “B.B.” Blueberry (voiced by Zehra Jane Naqvi) is the NERD of the group, representing the color blue. Her power is being obnoxious or “vision power,” which means she can see great distances (lame). She totes a wrist-mounted device known as the Construct-O-Max, which allows her to create, fix ,or deconstruct whatever the Rainbow Rangers need.
• Indigo “Indy” Allfruit (voiced by Penelope Rawlins) represents the color indigo and posses “speed power.” No, this is not a drug she provides everyone. I guess she can run really fast or some shit, like another DC Comics hero the Flash or Marvel’s Quick Silver. Anyway, since the group is as cliched as they come, she’s the resident prankster and the second-in-command.
• Lavender LaViolette (voiced by Penelope Rawlins) – sigh – is a fashionista because what all female group is actually complete without a stereotypical fashion oriented character? She represents the color violet and possesses “micro power.” As the name suggests, she can shrinks down in size and somehow grows fairy wings so she can fly when shrunk down.

Though not Rainbow Rangers themselves, other important players for their “team” include:

• Floof (voiced by Phillipa Alexander) is the Rainbow Rangers’ pet Prismacorn. It is the group’s Groot as it can only say it’s name but other characters understand more “complex” speech. He is also the only male living in Kaleidoscopia. Unlike the other lazy rangers, he goes on every fucking mission and helps out by using his magical horn. You may be delighted to know that a running gag involves – I’m having a hard time writing this due to the hilarity of it all – Floof coming out of his door in a surprising or “funny” way. Oh what delight!
• Kalia (voiced by Phillipa Alexander) is the leader of Kaleidoscopia. This snitch rats out anyone she sees causing trouble on Earth and calls the Rainbow Rangers to the rescue because, like all snitches, she sucks and can’t do anything herself.

Rainbow Ranger Villains

What crappy kid show about pollution fighting, superpowered weirdos is complete without consistent villains to do villain shit? Here’s who you can expect to see most episodes:

• Preston Praxton (voiced by Dan Russell) acts as the Rainbow Rangers’ main antagonist. He’s a greedy entrepreneur that creates ridiculously unbelievable schemes without any regard for how he will impact the environment or lame the scheme actually is. His antics always lead to the Rainbow Rangers coming down from their magical land to try to stop his scheming. He has an endless supply of booby traps to keep the Rangers from interfering with his shit, but they always fail because they are not fatal. Capitalism being the name of the show’s propaganda game here, the Rainbow Rangers can often talk him into more environmentally friendly solutions with business propositions or if his daughter, Patty, sides (nepotism) with the Rangers.
• Patty Praxton (voiced by Zehra Jane Naqvi) is Preston’s daughter. She takes after her capitalistic dad, but she also often serves as his voice of reason. She’s the Rainbow Rangers’ back door into his operations as the Rangers generally seem to find common ground with her.
• Priscilla Praxton (voiced by Dan Russell) debuts in the second season as Preston’s sister. In true capitalistic fashion, she often competes with him to win Patty’s affection and take down the Rainbow Rangers. And in true sexist fashion, she tends to have more feminine schemes, such as creating luxury makeup lines or creating glass from sand, because, you know, women.

The moral of each story for the villains is to hire a true hit squad to take out your nemesis. These third rate booby traps suck ass and should be avoided at all costs.

What parents need to know

The first question to ask yourself is, how well do you remember Captain Planet? You know, the blue guy that would appear when a group of losers with magic rings couldn’t – for the umpteenth time – do anything useful themselves and had to point their rings into the air to call Captain Planet?

If you can, picture the worst parts of that show, and you get Rainbow Rangers. In fact, I think the writers and creators basically went through that process to create the dribble they call a script.

To complete the effect, they sprinkled in some stereotypes surrounding young girls.

Should one be a fashion oriented one? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Should we have one that loves animals? Does anything scream girl power more?

The sad part is, for a show about “saving the earth,” it really doesn’t give kids – or anyone – practical advice on how to actually do that. There is no moral or life lesson about how your child can do more to clean up the world or make an impactful difference. It’s really just a show that features one jackass and his ignorant sister doing stupid capitalist shit over and over.

As a parent, you may learn more about patience and tolerance as you listen to the theme song about three times per episode. (I’m not making that up, it repeats several times PER episode) Or you may learn how to better lie about why the internet got turned off again today. Shocking how its been happening a lot more lately, isn’t it?

What to talk to your kids about

Actual parenting advice sites (like Common Sense Media) may tell you that talking to your kids about the crap they watch is important. They like to generate some topic questions that often help you focus your discuss with them.

This is not that site, but I will give you some helpful questions just to get the conversation going anyway:

• Many of the Rainbow Rangers have shrilly, obnoxious voices and ones that don’t really match well with their character. I’ve been noticing your voice is a bit hard to listen to. Have you considered talking less? Or maybe doing more to work on yourself so your voice is not as grating? What I’m really trying to say to you is, just grow the hell up please.
• Do you notice how often the theme song repeats? I sure do. Do you think it’s pleasant or unpleasant for me? Have you considered repeating yourself less? What part of mommy/daddy needs a break and has a headache don’t you get most days?
• How would you try to stop the Rainbow Rangers? If it was me, I’d hire a hitman to snipe their sorry asses. What other deadly methods to deal with them can you think of?
• Floof is a sorry ripoff of Groot. The show is crappy imitation of Captain Planet. Copyright infringement is not a victimless crime. For example, I am a victim every time I have to see this crap you call entertainment. Watch more enjoyable stuff please, like Bluey or even My Little Pony.

FAQs about Rainbow Rangers

I can’t believe people actually ask questions about Rainbow Ranger that don’t involve how to get the show cancelled legally. But here we are.

How many Rainbow Rangers are there?

Come on? Someone didn’t pass kindergarten here. How many colors are in the rainbow genius? There are seven colors, so there are seven Rainbow Rangers. Do better dumbass.

What is Rainbow Rangers on Netflix?

Utter crap is what it is, but if you want an actual answer, Rainbow Ranger is a computer animated show about 7 girls who use some super powers to save the day. It kind of focuses on environmental issues, but really it just slapped together a bunch of cliches likely with the hope to make some money for the producers who clearly did not want to spend much on the editing, animating, writing, or any other aspect related to the garbage.

When did Rainbow Rangers start?

In the United States, Rainbow Rangers started on November 5, 2018. Netflix picked it up in 2020 and made it widely available in different parts of the world. It oddly has a pretty high ranking in children’s programming on the streaming platform.

Where can I watch Rainbow Rangers?

If you have it, you can catch Rainbow Rangers on Netflix. In the United States, you may able to find it on Nick Junior. Why you would want to seek out the show is an entirely different question and one that you really need to search your soul for.