Vamperina: Proof the end times have cometh now

Vampirina | First aired: October 1, 2017 | Last episode: June 28, 2021

Vampirina doesn’t suck blood, she sucks souls like her one best friend.

Yes, Karen, I know it’s Vampirina not Vamperina, but a lot of people don’t and they deserve salvation too. You don’t need to be a God-fearing person to want to avoid this soul sucking Disney Junior show before your children get sucked in.

What is Vamperina?

Vamperina (officially and actually spelled Vampirina) is a Disney Junior show based on a book called Vampirina Ballerina. The show features a young Vampire and her family who move to Pennsylvania from Transylvania to open up a Scare Bed ‘n Breakfast.

Now, you might find this surprising, but her ways are a little off beat. Her family is also the “battiest” you’ll ever see. Still, they try to fit in to their new home despite opening up an establishment clearly meant for monsters to visit. Morons.

And wouldn’t you know? She moves in right next door to a family where the little brother is obsessed with finding mythical creatures, like Vamperina, her family, and a lot of their friends from Transylvania.

To add even more fun, she befriends the neighbor girl, Poppy Peepleson, as well as Bridget, a little girl suffering from pantophobia. As Fancy Nancy would say, that’s fancy for she has a wide spread fear of everything, even her own damn shadow.

This is particularly bizarre because she also suffers from a condition known as Gingervitus. This rare but serious condition causes the person to need to feed on souls of other children. You’d think she would be much braver than she is, but maybe that’s just an act. For more information on this important condition, click here.

What parents need to know

Vamperina is soul draining show. You may not feel it at first, but it will slowly corrode away your insides despite your best efforts.

Some people may even come to believe that the show is high quality. This is a sign that they have succumb to the disease that is Vamperina. Don’t let their positivity fool you into believing this show is anything like Bluey or anything else resembling quality children television.

Here are some things to keep in mind before it’s too late:

• The mom and dad are famous blasts from the past that Millennial moms (and some dads I guess) will recognize instantly: Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls, Parenthood) and James Van Der Beek (Dawson’s Creek). Good luck getting I Don’t Want to Wait lyrics out of your head now. You’re welcome. Just remember, if you are curious about their roles, curiosity killed the cat.
• Despite the name sake, Vamperina does not actually dance. Instead, she forms the Ghoul Girls with her friends, which is some weird rock band that comes to prominence way too easily to feel genuine. It also means there will be lots of songs.
• There are only 3 seasons. The Vamperina series ended in 2021 (thank God). But this is a double edged sword. If your child latches to it, it means it will take far less time for it to start repeating the 75 episodes.
• The theme song may get stuck in your head. Disney’s good at making theme songs that suck but you can’t get out of your head once you’ve heard it once or twice.

What to talk to your children about

Seriously, I’m not actually sure why more legitimate parent review sites contain a section like this for every freaking show and movie they review. Here are some fun topics to consider talking with your kids if you want to have some fun:

• Have you ever felt out of place? How did it make you feel? What made it better for you? Have you considered how your presence makes others uncomfortable? Do you think you could make more friends if you weren’t, well, so awkward?
• Have you ever encountered a Ginger? What about a Day Walker? Did they stare at you uncomfortably? Could you feel your soul starting to drain from your body? (If you or a loved one have been affected by Gingervitus, I’m sorry, there’s really no help out there for you.)
• Do you think forming a band with your friends is a good idea? I don’t. It will pretty much just give us a headache, and we will only pretend to tolerate your incessant noise. One day, that “instrument” you love so much may meet an unfortunate demise.

Vamperina and diversity

Vamperina does not go out of its way to be inclusive. Sorry, including a girl with Gingervitus does not count as diversity.

And, I might add, I did some digging.

It turns out, Isabella Crovetti, who voices Vamperina, isn’t from Transylvania, is not blue/purple skinned, nor a vampire.

People vocal about Ariel or Peter Pan’s casting or any other race swap of fictional characters should be outraged! How dare they use a non-Transylvanian, non-blue, and non-vampire voice actress for the role! They didn’t stick to the source material! When will the wokeness end!?

Fortunately, it’s been a few years and the outrage never really came. I wonder what the difference was here…. Guess I’ll never know.

With your help, #notmyvamperina should start to trend any day now.

FAQs

Because lots of people ask questions about Vamperina (or Vampirina as it is actually spelled), here are some answers to help your inquisitive mind.

Did Disney cancel Vampirina?

Technically, yes. Vamperina ran for 3 seasons and Disney decided not to renew it for a 4th season. It ended June 28, 2021 after 75 episodes. You can still watch reruns of Vampirina on Disney Plus and may be able to find it on Disney Junior, but its schedule seems pretty sparse.

Is Vampirina still at Hollywood Studios?

At the moment, if you are planning a visit to Disney World Hollywood Studios, you can meet Vamperina, Sophia the First, and Doc McStuffins – all “favorite” Disney Junior characters. Have fun with that. I sure am when I finally take my daughter to meet her most hated character.

What state does Vampirina live in?

Vampirina moves to Pennsylvania. Her family moved there to open up a  Scare Bed n’ Breakfast for all their ghoulish friends and family.