Well, more like several years in the making, this Hocus Pocus parent review features everything you need to make an informed decision about watching Hocus Pocus with your children. You can. Don’t be a prude.
What's in this review
What is Hocus Pocus?
Hocus Pocus is a campy, Halloween movie that came on July 16, 1993. Nothing like getting into the Halloween spirit in the middle of July. I don’t know much about the marketing behind the film, but it seems like they didn’t quite grasp when a Halloween based movie should come out.
Hocus Pocus is a story about how virginity is the devil and leads to terrible things.
Oddly, I’m only sort of joking here. For a family friendly movie, Hocus Pocus certainly focuses a lot of time and energy and virginity, something that even the sequel pokes fun of.
What is Hocus Pocus about?
The plot of Hocus Pocus is pretty straight forward. Three hundred years ago, three witches (the Sanderson Sisters) in Salem stole the soul of Emily Binx and transformed her brother into a black cat that would live forever.
The movie then flash forwards 300 years, down to the day, and shows how Max, a loathsome virgin, is having a hard time fitting in to his new school in – you guessed it – Salem. Horny beyond belief, he makes some pretty bold moves towards a popular, likely non-virgin, Alison who seems to dig his virgin-y vibe.
She likes ’em inexperienced.
Anyway, his horn dogging for Alison eventually leads him and his sister Dani on a collision course with destiny when he finds out being a virgin is even worse than he originally feared.
What parents need to know
Common Sense Media, those loveable souls, warn you that there are three naughty witches that the protagonists need to defeat.
Who the fuck are they writing for? 5 year olds? I thought they dealt mainly with anal retentive parents who don’t know if they should let their virgin child watch a Halloween movie.
They also missed some pretty big marks here when it comes to their “Sexy stuff” warnings. My god, Sarah rides her broom like a dick and makes a pass at every male character she comes in contact with.
A “police officer” openly mocks virgin Max for being unable to score with chick.
And of course, there is the bus driver who will transport the Sanderson sisters to their most “forbidden desires” and help them obtain children the old fashioned way.
They also needless warn you about something that is not even in Hocus Pocus. When ICE and Jay confront Max, they ask him for a bud and cash. Whoever wrote the Common Sense review says he asked for hash.
Do better Common Sense Media. Or you may end up being like Christian Reviews of Hocus Pocus.
Talk to your kids about
No parent review of Hocus Pocus is complete without a “talk to your kids about” section. Here, I give you very practical advice on topics and questions to discuss with your young kids. Here you go:
- Virginity gets mentioned 9 times throughout the movie. 9. Do you know what a virgin is? Do you think being a virgin is as bad as Hocus Pocus makes it out to be? Should I scoff at your virginity?
- The Sanderson Sisters are soul sucking wenches. Do you know any people in your life that are just so draining that they feel like they are sucking your soul out your ass? I sure do. A lot of them are at my job. How about you? Do you known any soul sucking clowns at school?
- The children rejoice when they set the Sanderson Sisters on fire in what is likely a gruesome death. Do you dream of setting anyone on fire? How would you do it? I recommend locking them in a kiln like the kids did, but I’ll award creativity here.
Hocus Pocus: Movie Details
Theatrical release date: July 16, 1993
Available on DVD or streaming: June 4, 2002
Cast: Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Thora Birch, Omri Katz, and Vinessa Shaw
Director: Kenny Ortega
Studio: Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment
Genre: Fantasy, Halloween
Topics: Halloween, Witches, witch craft
Run time: 96 minutes
MPAA rating: PG
MPAA explanation: for some scary sequences, and for language
Who doesn’t want their Hocus Pocus questions answered. Here are a few to help get you started and help if you want to take a Hocus Pocus quiz anytime soon.
Why is Hocus Pocus 2 not for kids?
I wasn’t aware it was intended for kids considering the family friendly sequel doesn’t really have anything remotely scary or problematic for children. Some sites warn about references to the occult or “harsh” language in a few scenes, but you really don’t need to shield your kids from the sequel or the original Hocus Pocus.
Where can I find Hocus Pocus 1?
You can stream both Hocus Pocus and Hocus Pocus 2 on Disney+. You can sign up here if you like (no I don’t get anything if you sign up except for a warm, fuzzy feeling of helping you out).
Around September or October, you may be able to find a hard BluRay or DVD copy in your local Walmart or Target.
Is Hocus Pocus rated r?
Really? R rating? Maybe I am too laissez-faire here, but dear lord. Of course kids can watch this crap. It only has several sexual innuendos, numerous uses of the word virgin, a hanging scene, and a scene where the two older kids watch stoically as the witches burn alive in a kiln. Good old family fun if you ask me. Bunch of squibs in this country! (That’s Bluey for bunch of whiners or something like that.)
The Hocus Pocus age rating is PG. This based on language and mild scary sequences and scenes. Parents of normal kids will probably want to watch Hocus Pocus with their younger kids, but I’ve never seen an issue with children of all ages watching it. They do not understand the numerous adult references which partially makes Hocus Pocus entertaining but earns it a higher age rating.
What is the Hocus Pocus cat name?
The Hocus Pocus black cat’s name is Thackery Binx. The Sanderson sisters cursed him when he failed to stop them from killing his sister in 1693. He later helps Max, Dani, and Alison defeat them on Halloween night 1993.
Hocus Pocus Parent Review
Movie title: Hocus Pocus
Movie description: In a fun family Halloween movie, a virgin boy and his sister accidently raise three witches from the dead.
Date published: July 16, 1993
Country: United States
Duration: 1 hour 36 minutes
Director(s): Kenny Ortega
Actor(s): Bette Midler - Winifred, Sarah Jessica Parker - Sarah, Kathy Najimy - Mary, Omri Katz - Max, Thora Birch - Dani, Vinessa Shaw - Allison, Amanda Shepherd - Emily, Larry Bagby - Ernie 'Ice' (as Larry Bagby III), Tobias Jelinek - Jay, Stephanie Faracy - Jenny, Charles Rocket - Dave, Doug Jones - Billy Butcherson, Sean Murray - Thackery
Genre: Halloween, Fantasy, Family
User Review( votes)
Yeah, our family watches Hocus Pocus at least two or three times each Halloween season and several other times a year too. Admittedly, it is a terrible movie, but it manages to cross the threshold of being so bad, it’s good.
It is also one of those movies where it seems like no one took it too seriously during production. Bette Midler clearly enjoyed the performance of I Put a Spell on You. And many of the performances are over the top and suggestive of a cast that is having a good time while working.
There is an odd obsession with using the word virgin (uttered 9 times I might add) and the state of being a virgin. They make the state of being a virgin a thing of ridicule several times as well as a main plot driver.
Afterall, the sisters would never have returned if that fucking virgin Max didn’t light the black flame candle.
And let’s face it, Allison couldn’t hide those lying eyes as she sheepishly tells Max “no thanks” when asked if she would like to do the honors. She clearly would not have accomplished anything. She’d probably say something like “haha see, told you it was just a legend.”
Dani was too much of a sissy to do it.
That leaves Thackery, but he doesn’t have opposable thumbs to operate a lighter and a compelling enough reason not to. After all, they took his love interest, I mean sister, from him 300 years ago.
Speaking of which, that’s probably one of the creepiest things about Hocus Pocus. Thackery straight up pines for Emily. I get it was supposed to be guilt or whatever, but it really comes across as longing for a lost love. “If only I had told her I loved her sooner…”
Also, for a “family friendly” movie, there is a lot of overtly sexual innuendos scattered throughout the movie. Sarah oozes sexual tension in several scenes, including:
- suggesting they hang Thackery up and let her “play” with him
- telling Max to come out because she’ll be thine friend
- sitting on the bus driver’s lap
- close dancing with some random at the dance party
- slow dancing with Satan
- sporting with her sister’s love interest (off screen and implied only)
- stroking her mop like a dick when singing her song to lure children to their doom towards the end of the movie
This doesn’t even get into the bus driver’s pervy comments about helping them try for a baby. Not surprisingly, Disney toned Sarah’s sexuality down significantly in Hocus Pocus 2.
The good news for all the actual prudes out there, your children won’t pick up on any of the innuendos until they are older, though they may ask you what a virgin is. What you tell them is up to you.
In terms of plot, the stakes are laughably “bad,” as Thackery monotonously declares. That’s really all you need to know, according to Thackery anyway.
Hocus Pocus is mainly campy ass fun. For a Halloween movie, there are not many scary scenes until close to the end. Though the two older kids seem to take no issue watching three witches burn to death, which is pretty fucked up if you stop and think about it.
It oddly all works together. I can’t explain it beyond that. You either like it or you don’t.
For Millennials, it is probably a good nostalgic ride back to the 90s when times were a bit more simple. Yes. We’re all middle aged and grew up in a world with very limited cell phone usage.
Hocus Pocus reminds of this in a surprisingly good way.
virginity is a main driving factor throughout the movie Bette Midler does a good job with I Put a Spell on You actors and actresses all seem like they are having fun
not much, just enjoy the movie